I'll tell you about "The Spy Who Loved Me". Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. Yeah. What is it all aboot? Obviously, Partridge is thrilled with the age gap between him and his girlfriend Sonja. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. Can I have my sausages burnt to a crisp, please? Estate Agent: Sure, sure! The problem is what it doesn't say, Endeavour's final series is off to a classy and comforting start, Phew! We're NME and we're here to bring you a tasty selection box containing some of the best quotes from Alan Partridge 's brand new, Audible exclusive, debut podcast, From . He also thinks Wings was Paul McCartneys best band. Alan Partridge: Well there's no need for that! Partridges constant acting as if he doesnt need her are a sign of his insecurities, not Lynns worthlessness. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. Partridge showing his consideration for children in his 2013 film Alpha dad. Aqua. Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! You're sacked. Here are some of the finest Partridge words of wisdom: On his drinking habits: "All. My father died on 15 February, and has now been buried. Alan Partridge: That's about right. Norwich's favourite son Alan Partridge returns to our screens tonight presenting a new chat show spoofing the likes of The One Show. Alan Partridge: It's alright. 2023. I'm not retreating, Pat's tugging me off. Usually, I avoid opening boxes I dont recognise ever since, Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, youll feel no different, and thats your own fault because, as I say, you lack class and are assholes., Aha!" Alan Partridge: Yeah, well, that's not good enough. Alan Partridge: [expanding a dining table] Yes, it's an extender! Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. ", 8. Alan Partridge: Fire, fire, the fayre's on fire! [Tony shakes his head again] 'Arm Wrestling with Chas and Dave'. In many ways, Lynn is the unsung hero of the Partridge saga. Alan Partridge: Classic Queen! Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. I'll call you back. And its a great thing too. Felicity Montagu And he's being chased by these Russian shits in black jumpsuits with lemon piping. 6. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Nonetheless, beautiful song. If you're ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say 'My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. This is der Autobahn! Michael: So, are we having the full English breakfast? Lynn: We might give you a second series. Hmm, tricky. They taught you a trade. That was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac. . "Alan Attack!". I was supposed to hit that later. Could go your way; could go mine. And then we cut to Moscow. Valentine's Day today, eh? Whatever happens, her return is welcome in this next chapter of the Partridge saga. Alan: "Thanks a lot! I'll just wait for it to finish. No, seriously, run. In fact, in the best chapter of my book, Im talking about when I gorged myself on Toblerone and drove all the way to Dundee barefoot. The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. Can I No, in fact I'll just repeat the question. I, I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). Alan Partridge: Yeah, give me another series, you sh*t. [Tony Hayers has told Alan that although there won't be another series of his chat show, he'll still be open to any other ideas in future, so Alan seizes the opportunity to pitch his ideas for programs]. Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. But fine, I'll sack her. [Alan is about to get into bed with Jill. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! And he's just about to put the key in his front door, and I come up from behind the hedge, 'Hello, you bastard.' Alan Partridge: [forcing a smile] No, he won't give me one. It helps me keep the wolf from the door, so to speak. By signing up to the Mashable newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. I'm very well, thank you, how are you? He goes, 'No, no!' Stop getting Bond wrong! Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on. With one hand braced against the wall, Im now grabbing and clawing at the angry aperture, slashing and scraping in a bid to ease the sensation. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife or an old flame. There is an awkward pause] Sorry, bit of a joke there. Alan Partridge: Oh God, no, no, I'm old enough to be her father! Do it in a pub car park. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Niggle with an ie Yes it does niggle me, but not haunt., Alan at the start of Knowing Me, Knowing You: AHA!, Alan during various sporting events: Eat my goal! / That was liquid football., Alan after sex: Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. Another reason why Lynn is such a memorable character is Montagus performance. She was often submissive when told-off or insulted by Alan. Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here, isn't there? Tony Hayers: We don't owe you a living. Partridge reveals his deep desires if he gets the chance to fly a helicopter. It features Alan Partridge, a tactless and inept radio DJ, after he has been left by his wife and dropped from the BBC. Morning! Peter Linehan: [to Tony] Give him another series, you swine! He's an idiot. Thanks very much for the gearknob, and good night. Have something to add to this story? This page was last edited on 30 September 2022, at 15:07. Alan Partridge: Can you fingerprint a sausage? [He laughs and leaves the room], [He shuts the door. So, er, thanks. Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! And there's a man there and he's Russian - he's got eyebrows, you know - and he's on the phone going, "What, a whole submarine? As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews. Michael: Right. Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. I'll be honest, I'm dead against it. The STANDS4 Network . Minor repairs. Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. Two grand, that cost. Alan Partridge: Uh, have a go on the loo? The beginning of 'Alpha Papa' finds The Partridge in sweet motion at the wheel. And here are some of his most salient thoughts on cars 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa' is out on DVD and Blu-ray from Monday 2 December. Alan Partridge: Ah, that is the best Valentine's Day I've had in eight years. Tony Hayers: [laughing and shaking his head] No, no, it's a bad idea. Alan Partridge: No, that's a bit too far-fetched. Lynn Benfield : Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. Keep saying 'Christ'. Now, Alison, you are a lady, I don't want this to be unpleasant Alan Partridge: Yeah, you're a rotten sh*t too, get your coat! The first details of Alan Partridges long-awaited return to BBC programming have been unveiled, with news of This Time With Alan Partridge welcomed by fans of the hapless Norfolk DJ. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?Alan Partridge: The good news.Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow.Alan Partridge: Excellent. I've not thought it through, Lynn. Madeline Mussen. And yell at them get out of the area! And watch them panic! Which is French for water. Credit: Audible. You join us live at the Berlin Olympics on "Grandstand" in 1936 on this pleasant summer morning in Nazi Germany. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. What a year it's been for Dante. [He shuts the door. Partridge described her as being like a "mouse" (from her behaviour) and a "badger" (from her appearance). All wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. I'll tolerate one, but not both. And then he goes, 'Ahhh!' Classic Conversation to Lynn about Dan "Dan's a fantastic man . Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. What a great song. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news? 1 on Billboard 200 Billboard. Then the cups start wobbling and then a man who used to be in "The Onedin Line" comes in and goes, "Why are the cups wobbling? Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer. But today's also about fun. Details . "Smell my cheese, mother!" " Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. How are you? Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring. Alan Partridge: Have I got a second series? Not Christ. It begin in forest in Germany John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down? I'd be hovering just down the road from his house, there. ), I push up my jacket sleeves and use both arms to sweep an enormous mound of earth from behind me and into the hole like a couple of arm bulldozers. Alan Partridge: Ah-haaaaa! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the pinnacle of his Blue Peter career. Went to Silverstone. Which ironically is like a large petrol station. Have you had your breakfast this morning, Robert? So, er, thanks. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. 11th August 2017. Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. I was a little bored so I took my Corby trouser press apart. 1 Mar. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. Its a delicious relief but I know its merely stoking the irritation. I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. Here. "Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Quotes." It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave. Lynn Benfield: Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. Alan Partridge: I used to think "Ooohh she's nicer than my wife.". Michael: Aye. Take her out to a local fort or a Victorianfolly. The pace of the Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. But then at the last minute Michael: He pulls a ripcord, right? Michael: Aye. All Rights Reserved. OK, uh small-talk. Alan Partridge: No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight. I heard a bit of commotion. You wake up in the morning, you have to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you have to mow the lawn, wash the car and you say to yourself Sunday, damn Sunday!. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. [they smile coyly at each other. It's not hardcore super-sex. Tony Hayers: If you don't do it, Sky will. She's 14 years younger than me. Other great ideas Partridge had for television included Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank, Inner-city Sumo and Monkey Tennis. Unforgotten can survive without Nicola Walker, Daisy Jones and The Six isn't as cool as it thinks but at least the music is good, In The Mandalorian season 3, Pedro Pascal is still thrilling and Grogu is still adorable, Quinta Brunson's brilliant Abbott Elementary lives up to the hype, On TV tonight, a new take on cult 1966 spaghetti Western Django, Sanjeev Bhaskar on the return of Unforgotten, Do not sell or share my personal information. You see, as a committed animal liker #animals I think very carefully about which animals I am and am not prepared to kill., If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. Glanalangalangalangalangalang! There's a demonstration model tied to the chair with a skipping rope by that woman. Battered. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. ", 4. Share on Facebook (opens in a new window), Share on Flipboard (opens in a new window). [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]. 5. But for the time being at least they have each other. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. Imagine two things that you like. Jill smiles at him], [Alan is on a date with Jill at an owl sanctuary]. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Todays day. I said, you too to a new face. Alan Partridge: Right. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one. The latest on your favourite shows and stars delivered straight to your inbox. "Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.". And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Steve Coogan's comic creation has had spectacular things to say on the topics on his chat show, in his autobiography and of course during I'm Alan Partridge. Enjoy it. 'Lynn, these are sex people!' getwestlondon. Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Nomad 1 likes Like "A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Alan Partridge: Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan? Tony Hayers: [Holds his hands up] No, I'm sorry, no! Not my words Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine! Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn. Welcome March with discounts on gadgets for your home. she is 14 years younger than me. A-ha! It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. Alan Partridge: [Stepping into the lift] Well, there you go. Alan Partridge: I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. Uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long, drawn-out affair. I mean, this will put Norwich on the map. I love this house. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. At the bottom of the net! Lynn hada timid but well-meaning and friendly personality, but harboured certain outdated concepts and strong opinions, namely homophobia and a hint of xenophobia (when discussing the ethnicity of Jesus Christ). You couldnt make it up. I've just had it resprayed!' Cook a cat! ", 6.
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